Shadenfruede-German word for a malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.
During the idealization phase the Narcissists sees certain qualities in his victim that he himself has never been able to obtain. Some of these may be social graces, a good sense of humor, generosity, and an overall goodness that someone can possess but, never learn to acquire. These traits attract the Narcissist to his victim. He studies them and takes them on and "mirrors" them back to the victim. This is why the victim believes she has found her soul mate, that needle in the hay stack she has been searching for her whole life. Only that person isn't the Narcissist, it's the Narcissist emulating the traits of his victims and regurgitating them back to her. So that very pleasant person she is so smitten with, is actually a reflection of herself. The happier she is with the charming Narcissist, the happier he becomes because he thrives on seeing how other see him. The victim sees this kind, caring person and basks in the happiness she has found. This is exactly the supply the Narcissits sought when inventing this persona for his new victim. He would truly like to take on all of these qualities. Unfortunately for the victim, the Narcissist is not able to do so. He can only feign these qualities and emotions and eventually he will be unable to maintain the act. This is when the "true self" appears. The Narcissist is easily contemptuous when his victim digresses from his way of thinking, or to any criticism. He views this as narcisstic injury and it is earth shattering to him because he needs to be held in high esteem. He will dole out severe narcisstic abuse to his victim. This may come in the form of "withholding", ie: I'm not going to call you, answer your calls, or talk to you. It could also be refraining from sexual intimacy. Although the intimacy is really only one sided, the Narcissist views sex only as a conquest and means of control. Then comes the verbal, psychological and emotional assaults, all forms of covert abuse. Nobody witnesses them, except the victim but, the Narcissist has convinced her she is the only one with a problem (gaslighting, projection) and he slowly chips away at her self esteem. At this point the Narcissist doesn't try to emulate any of those positive qualities, in fact he loathes the victim for possessing them. How dare she be happy when all he can feel is hate and emptiness. He now takes pride in chipping away at her soul and making her feel as depressed as he has during his whole existence. He is the very definition of schadenfruede. He will never be happy but, will be temporarily happy in watching his victim's descent into the abyss. She is no longer funny, she no longer tells jokes, or takes care of herself the way she once did. Most days she lies wondering what happened to her, or what she did the person she loved for him to be so cruel and vile to her. She keeps hoping for the man she met and fell in love with to reappear, not knowing it was all only just an act. He built her up, only to pull the carpet out from underneath her. He knew what he was doing the entire time. He takes great delight in this game. She might not even be aware of the covert abuse that the Narcissist is bringing upon her because the abuse is subtle and happens over a long period. . The jealous, vindictive Narcissist revels in his accomplishments. He has initially taken on the sincere traits of his victim, mirrored them back to her and now stripped her of all of them. He has also probably financially and emotionally crippled her. Now satisfied with his work and feeling omnipotent because of the power and control he has been able to yield over this once goodhearted person, he simply moves on to the next victim. The current victim is the witness to his tirades and narcissistic rage. Rage is depression turned outward so, he has to rid himself of this and put it all on his victim. She will fee the full wrath from the abuser. He doesn't want to be reminded of the details of what a bad person he is, he simply wants to reinvent himself for the next person he can prey upon and suck the life out of. All of this destruction is the only thing that he has in his life that makes him feel some sort of relevance(except for the false self but by now he has abandoned that with his victim). He now holds only disdain for the victim and quite possibly has convinced himself he hates her, because it is much easier to hate her then to hate himself. He has no internal conflict resolution so, if he had to face the evil that he truly is, he would surely become depressed. He doesn't want to to deal with his problems or quite possibly believes there is in fact nothing wrong with him, he just wants to move on to the next distraction and continue to live his lie. If people knew the empty shell of a person that he truly was, they wouldn't waste their time of day on him. He is truly a master of deception,he thinks to himself. His victims pain and misery have brought him great joy and comfort.
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